I Don't Belong
by Armonia
Summary: Bug's thoughts on his life and the people in it
1. Default Chapter

Summary: Bug's thoughts on his life and the people in it. Disclaimer: No one belongs to me.  
  
I Don't Belong  
by Armonia  
  
Another day is over and another body safely put away. That's how everything in my life is going. Nigel told me today that I'm very predictable and I hate to admit that he's right. I have been doing the same thing ever since I started working here and nothing changed expect that time I went to find who that John Doe was. I think about that case sometimes.  
Before I can leave, I have to finish some paper work for Lily to look over. Lily. I don't even know why I bother trying to impress her. I know she's still in love with Garret. I have a feeling she always will be. Aside from knowing all this, I guess I'll still try to win her heart. God, I sound like Nigel.  
I'm not very good at finding women anyway. Most of them thinks I'm boring and have an unhealthy obsession with insects. I never really thought that I had an unhealthy obsession. I can never find anyone who shares my interest. Maybe I don't want to find anyone who shares my interest or maybe I hold Lily up on a stand and no one can match up to her.  
I don't think it's that either. Ever since I came to America, I never fitted in with any particular group. Come to think about it, I never fitted in with anyone back home. To be completely honest, I don't know where I belong. I don't think people here at the office are really my friends. Nigel, Jordan, Lily. Maybe it's all in my head or maybe they're just tolerating me.  
I'm done with my paper work and left it on Lily's desk. I look over it one last time before I leave to make sure I didn't leave anything out. It seems fine. Lily just came in and grabs her jacket. I thought she left.  
"Oh, Bug, I didn't know you were still here." She says happily.  
"I had to finish paper work for Kyle Carni." I said pointing to the paper I placed on her desk.  
"Okay. I'll look at it tomorrow. Hey, I'm going down to the bar to meet Jordan. You want to come?" She offered. I thought for a moment.  
"Um, no, not tonight. I have things to fix at home." I lied. I know she picked it up.  
"Right. Care to walk me out?" She asked. I nodded and we left.  
Another Saturday night alone. That's the story of my life. I don't think it'll get better. 


	2. calling Mum

I opened the door to my apartment and inside is dark. I closed the door, turned on the light, and put my keys on the counter. I live alone and, sometimes, I can't bring myself to put the key in the lock. Entering the apartment just makes me realize I have no one.  
The clock on the wall reads eleven-thirty. I should call my mother before she calls me. I'm not up to talking to her but she excepts me to call every Saturday. She made me promise her before I left. My mother never forgets. I get myself settled on the couch and dial her number. She answered the phone cheerfully.  
"Hello?" She asked.  
"Hello, Mum. It's Mahesh." I said. She doesn't know my nickname.  
"Oh, Mahesh. I was worried you weren't going to call. How are you?" She asked. I sighed. "Mahesh, that doesn't sound good."  
"No, Mum, I'm fine. Everything's fine." I assured her.  
"Are you seeing anyone?" She asked. I hate it when she asks that. She asks every time I talk to her.  
"No, I'm not seeing anyone."  
"You have to meet someone. We're not getting any younger and we would like some grandchildren before we pass on." She whined.  
"I understand that, Mum. It's been good talking to you but I have to go." I said. I can only talk to her for so long.  
"Okay, Mahesh. Call me again. Bye." She said then hung up. I put the phone on the table.  
I went into the kitchen and started to fix myself something to eat. I eat alone every night and every morning. I go to sleep by myself, go to work alone, and come home to an empty apartment. I know I'm alone. I except the fact I may never meet anyone but why does my mother have to rub it in my face? I know they want grandkids and a daughter-in-law. I want a family but I can't change the fact that I'm not the marrying type. I put everything away and looked at the clock. It was near twelve-thirty. I put my jacket back on, grabbed my keys, then left. Hopefully everyone will still be at the bar. 


	3. The Porgue

No one left the Porgue. They don't have anywhere to go like me. But, unlike me, they had people to come here with. Jordan was sitting at the bar talking to Max and Woody. Garret was at a table with Renee. Nigel was talking to some woman with Peter watching on. I looked up at the upper part of the bar and saw Lily sitting alone. She saw me too and waved me over.  
"I thought you weren't coming?" Lily asked once I sat across from her.  
"I changed my mind." I said. I noticed the girl Nigel was talking to walk away. It must have gone awful because Peter was laughing.  
"Are you okay?" She asked.  
"What?" I asked. I really wasn't listening.  
"You seem so, I don't know, far away. Are you okay?" She asked again.  
Lily means well. I know she does but sometimes she can't mind her own business. I know I sound rude but there are times I don't want her to act like my councilor. She cares too much about people and I remember a time when one of the people she counseled went over the line. A person could look all this over when they are in love with someone.  
"I'm fine. Did you come here alone?" I asked, trying to change the subject then remembering she was here to meet Jordan.  
"Yeah, I came here alone since you said you didn't want to come." Lily said smiling.  
"Why were you sitting here by yourself?" I asked.  
"Actually, I was sitting here with a very nice man but he left. Then I was talking to Nigel and Peter but Nigel saw some girl and they left. Finally you came." Lily explained.  
She went on talking about some other things but I tuned out. Lily's alone but she's happy. That's something I might never be able to feel. Don't get me wrong. I felt like that when I paid for the homeless man's funeral for the kid but that quickly disappeared Garret took credit for it when Lily asked him about it. I shouldn't blame her though. I'm not known to do good things like that. So, naturally, she'll think its Garret.  
Nigel and Peter went over to sit with Woody and Jordan. Garret is still talking to Renee. Lily really wants to turn around and watch them. I got up to leave.  
"Where are you going?" Lily asked.  
"I'm going home." I said. I was getting tried.  
"You just got here." She informed me.  
"I know. I'll see you in the morning." I said then I left. 


	4. The Mayor's Dead Son

I got to work on time like always. I got everything all ready at my desk and was about to get my daily assignment when Jordan comes over to me. She probably slept here last night after the bar because, when I came in, I didn't see her on the floor. On top of that, she was wearing the same clothes she wore yesterday.  
"Bug, I need you to come with me somewhere." Jordan said quickly.  
"Are we looking at a body?" I asked.  
"Yeah, I guess so. Woody called and he asked for the both of us to meet him at the residents of the Livingstens. He sounded nervous." Jordan said then left. I grabbed my jacket and followed after her.  
The crime scene was buzzing with reporters already. Jordan and I had a hard time trying to find Woody because there were to may people and the police was trying to keep them back. I wonder what happened. The crime scene was at the home of the mayor of Boston. A young woman was yelling and crying from the top of the steps. That was were we found Woody.  
"Jordan! Bug! Over here!" He yelled. We went up to him. "The body's inside."  
Jordan nodded and went in but I lingered outside for a few seconds. The woman couldn't be no younger than Jordan. She kept saying that she didn't mean it. When I entered the house, I found the body of a teenage boy lying on the floor. Jordan was already looking him over. I took out my camera and started taking shots. Woody came to join us a few minutes later.  
"Whose she?" I asked when I notice the woman wasn't with him.  
"She's Marla Livingsten, the mayor's only daughter." Woody informed us.  
"And he's her brother?" Jordan asked as she got up."  
"Yep. He's Ozzie Livingsten. He's the youngest son. The mayor has four sons." Woody said. "Well, you found anything?"  
"Nothing that we could find here. We could probably tell you once we get him back to the morgue." Jordan said. I remembered what Marla said when we got here.  
"That did she mean when she said she didn't mean it?" I asked.  
"I don't know. She won't say anything else but my guys found a box of rat poison in the kitchen." Woody said.  
"You think she poisoned her brother?" Jordan asked.  
As the two of them went on about their thoughts, I didn't say anything for a while. I found it strange, though, that she would be that worried if she did it on purpose. 


	5. The Talk

Woody had to be right about one thing. Ozzie Livingsten was poisoned with rat poison. Woody jumped to the conclusion that it was Marla who poisoned her brother. He should know by now not to jump to conclusion but he'll never learn. Right now, Woody and Jordan are talking to the Mayor while I am here in the lab doing work like always.  
"Bug?" Lily called from the door. I looked up at her. "There's someone here to talk to you."  
Marla walks in but didn't say anything. Lily left with a concerned look on her face. Marla still remained quiet and I couldn't say anything. I don't know why she's here. Finally, after some time, I finally said something.  
"Can I help you?" I asked.  
"No one's telling me anything." She said quietly.  
"Well, you're brother was poisoned. That's what killed him." I said as nice as possible.  
"I figured that." Marla said.  
"Do you know anything?" I asked. For the first time since we started talking, Marla moved.  
"We were arguing about something stupid and he threaten to take the rat poison. I was angry and I told him that I wish he would. I didn't mean it. Out of everyone in the family, we were like best friends." Marla explained.  
"Why not tell the police?" I asked.  
"I can't." She said.  
"Why? They think you killed him." I said although I wasn't suppose to.  
"They'll want to know why we were arguing."  
"Then tell them." I urged.  
"I can't." She wais sternly then left almost knocking Nigel over as he was coming in.  
"What was that about?" He asked.  
I didn't say anything. I quickly left the lab to catch her but she was nowhere in sight. I knew Lily saw her run out because Lily looked at me confused. Now, I'm thinking this case has a deeper meaning. 


	6. Talking to Woody

I sat at my desk looking over Ozzie's file. There wasn't anything unusual that would help me solve what Marla was talking about. Ozzie was fine. In fact, he was in perfect health. His parents said that he was fine and he never been in a mental hospital. I made Nigel ask that question because I'm too nice. What the hell is wrong with me?  
"Bug, what is wrong with you?" Someone called to me. I looked up to see Woody staring down at me.  
"What?" I asked. I knew what was wrong. Nigel came by.  
"Hey there, Woody. I need your help in examination room four, Bug." He said. I got up to follow him but Woody stood in my way.  
"Why did you and Nigel talk to Mayor Livingsten?"  
"Because I had to figure something out. Now, if you don't mind, Nigel is waiting for me." I tried to walk pass him but, yet again, he blocked my way. I give up.  
"What possessed you to have Nigel ask him is Ozzie was put in a mental hospital? They just lost their son. Could you be anymore cold- hearted?"  
"I talked to Marla two days ago and she had an argument with Ozzie hours before he died." I informed him.  
"She didn't say anything about an argument." Woody said, confused. "What was it about?"  
"I don't know. She wouldn't tell me. In fact, she ran out when I asked her about it. I haven't seen her since. Are you done yelling at me so I can get back to work?" I asked. Yes, I could be rude.  
"Yeah, I'm done. Bug, I would expect this from Jordan but not from you." He said as he moved aside.  
"Well, Jordan isn't the only one who can go after ghosts." I said while walking pass him but I stopped. "And, another thing, I don't think Marla killed her brother."  
I left before Woody could open his mouth. Why is it strange that I want to look more into something but it's fine if Jordan does it? 


	7. The Notebook

A week went by and I still couldn't find anything to explain why Ozzie killed himself, The Livingsten already had his funeral and invited all of us from the morgue and Woody. Afterwards, we all went back to the Livingsten's home for diner and to morn. Marla was there but she wouldn't talk to us or Woody. I didn't push her for answers, so I just stayed with Nigel or Lily. Woody did tell us, though, that she wasn't a suspect anymore since I said the death was a suicide. I did notice, however, that Nigel did go missing at one point during the day at the house. Finally, we left and I still couldn't get my questions answered. Tonight, I decided it was a good idea to forget about Ozzie Livingsten's case and focus on my other cases. I was looking over another file when a marble notebook fell on my desk.  
"Look at what I found." Nigel said as he sat down at his desk.  
"What is this?" I asked as I flipped through the pages.  
"Ozzie Livingsten's journal." He answered.  
"You took this out of their house?"  
"Yep. I went into his room when no one was looking and went searching. They had his room made up like some kind of historical site or something. Everything is in their place like he'll walk right through the front door. I think that's unhealthy." Nigel explained.  
"If everything is in it's place, then wouldn't his parents know it's missing?"  
"Bug, where's your sense of adventure? Anyway, look at this," Nigel said as he took the notebook and turn to the middle, "this is a couple of weeks before he died. Here, read this."  
"I don't know what to do anymore. I know that I'm young and still in high school but I can't take it anymore. S loves me and I love S more than anything in the world. I need to get away with S before my parents find out about us. S wants me to tell my parents about our relationship but I can't. It will hurt my father's career. I told S about it but S doesn't think I care about the relationship. Mom's coming." I read then looked at Nigel, "Who's S?"  
"I guess we will have to find that out tomorrow." Nigel said smiling then left so I could read the rest through the rest of the notebook. 


	8. The Talk part 2

I went home late that night. I still had the notebook and spent the rest of the night reading it. Ozzie's life played out like some kind of soap opera, I guess. I mean I never met anyone whose life is as action filled as he writes in his notebook. I'm sure that most of the things in the book has been stretched but, according to what I got out of it, he's just like me. He's in love with someone but he can't tell anyone and he feels like he doesn't belong with any group. Unlike me, the person he's in love with loves him back.  
Anyway, this morning, Nigel and I stood in a hall of an expensive apartment building. Nigel hacked into some database and got Marla's address. I knocked on the door and waited for Marla to answer. The notebook was in my bag and I'm hoping she wouldn't tell her parents or Woody that Nigel took it. Nigel had a bigger problem with me bringing it but I couldn't blame him. I was about to tell Nigel that we should leave when Marla opened the door. She wasn't wearing anything but a short nightshirt.  
"Oh, it's you. What can I do for you?" Marla asked rudely. Her manner changed since the last time we talked.  
"Can we come in? Um, we need you to answer some questions." I asked.  
She rolled her eyes, sighed, then moved out of the doorway and allowed us to come in. Her apartment looked really fancy and way out of both Nigel's and I budget. Nigel whispered to me that her father must had paid for it because she doesn't work. I wonder how he would know that but I thought better of it. It took Marla some time to get into the living room, so I thought she was getting dressed. Well, she wasn't. When she came into the living room, she was still wearing the same short nightshirt and she fell into an overstuff chair in a very unladylike fashion.  
"What do you want now?" She asked.  
"Do you mind to cover up or something?" Nigel proposed.  
"My place. What do you want?" She asked again. I took out the notebook and handed it to her. "What's this?"  
"Ozzie's journal. I need to ask you a few questions about it. First off, Ozzie wrote about a person about a hundred and fifty times. He calls that person S but he doesn't say if S is male or female. Do you know who S is?" I asked.  
"Wait. This was in a draw in Ozzie's room. I know my parents wouldn't give this to you." She said as she stood up.  
"Well, you're right. They didn't give it to us. I, um, I kind of took it." Nigel explained.  
"This is stealing and I'm going to call Detective Hoyt. Get out of my apartment!" She yelled.  
"We just need to know who S is. In his last entry, he writes that he was afraid of losing S and that their relationship would hurt your father's career. Who is S?" I asked as she opened the front door.  
"I don't know. Talk to Abby Osborne. She was close to Ozzie also. Now, get out." She said, sternly.  
Nigel and I looked at each other and left without the notebook. We headed back to the office and waited to hear from Woody. 


	9. The Truth

Woody never can, so Nigel and I decided to look for the Abby person. We went to Ozzie's high school and went to the main office. Luckily, it was fifth period and the lady behind the desk said she was in and was nice enough to call her down.

The high school that Ozzie and Abby attends is a high class private school. Nigel was telling me, while we waited in a conference room for Abby, that probably none of these kids are even thankful for what they have. He's probably right. That's something I don't get about Nigel. At times, he could be very compassionate but then he screws it up with a stupid comment like "I always wanted a Catholic school girl if you know what I mean." Sometimes, I can't believe the things that comes out of his mouth. A few minutes later, a girl with red hair and a very short uniform entered the room. I looked at Nigel before he said something stupid.

"This is Abby Osborne. Abby, they are from the medical examiner office. I'll leave you three alone. Oh, Abby, I'm not asking again. Uniforms are to go down to the knees." The lady said before shutting the door. Abby rolled her eyes.

"She says that to everyone. Anyway, what can I do for you?" Abby asked.

"We have to ask you a question about Ozzie Livingsten." I told her.

"Okay but I thought he committed suicide? At least, that's what his parents told me." She said.

"Yes, he did but we're just trying to figure out why he killed himself." I explained.

"We had his notebook before Marla took it and he talks very highly about a person whose name starts with S. Ozzie was worried that S will leave him. Do you know anything about this?" Nigel further explained. Abby sighed then sat at the table.

"Yeah, I know all about S. S's real name is Craig Buck." Abby said then Nigel interrupted her.

"Ozzie was gay?"

"Yeah but his family didn't know. Craig never been to his house when his family was there. Ozzie told me that he slipped up and said that he was already seeing someone when his mom wanted to date one of her friend's daughters. So, he told her that I'm his girlfriend but that didn't sit well with Craig. He told Ozzie that he better tell his parents about them and about Ozzie being gay but he just couldn't." Abby explained.

"He couldn't because his father is against gays." I added. Abby nodded then continued.

"Craig told Ozzie that is he doesn't fess up to his parents, then he's going to leave. Ozzie was madly in love with Craig and he was going to tell his parents the very next day when his parents came back to Boston. They came back the day after he died. Anyway, the night after his parents left, he allowed Craig to stay at the house since his brothers and Marla doesn't live there anymore. Ozzie told me the day before he died that Craig and him was on the couch doing, well, you know and Marla came in and caught them. She made a big deal about it and threaten to tell his parents when they get back. Craig told Ozzie after he tell his parents, meet him at the train station and they'll leave together. Next thing I hear, Ozzie committed suicide." Abby finished.

"Does Craig know about Ozzie's death?" I asked.

"No, he doesn't. He's not around anymore. I don't know. He probably thought Ozzie didn't want to be with him and he left Boston."

"How did Ozzie meet Craig? I mean, did they knew each other before this?" Nigel asked.

"Craig is a lot older than Ozzie. Ozzie was seventeen and Craig was twenty-eight. He was a homeless guy passing through, I guess. They met at the diner. Craig was trying to get a job then things between them went way too fast." Abby said.

We told her that we thank her for her time then she went back to class. Ozzie couldn't be himself and his lover, Craig, couldn't care any which way. Ozzie family would have just hid all of this. Maybe Ozzie is in a better place where he could be who he wants to be.


	10. Talking to Woody part 2

Right on cue, Woody ran up to us as we got off the elevator. I walk right passed him and left poor Nigel to defend for himself. I just need some time alone before I have to deal with him. I went straight to my desk only to be greeted by three new folders. Nothing changes in my life. Finally, Woody came over to me. Nigel gave me a look as he walked pass. I have to remember to apologize to him later.

"Marla calls me saying that Nigel stole Ozzie's journal the day of the funereal. You should be happy that she doesn't want to have you arrested. Then I come down here to talk to you and Nigel and I finds out that the you two went to his high school to talk to his friends. I told you not to push this anymore." Woody explained.

"Ozzie was gay." I said.

"What?" He asked. I looked at him.

"Ozzie was gay. He was going to tell his parents but Marla caught him with his partner. That was what the argument between Marla and Ozzie was about. His whole family doesn't like gays." I explained.

"Who told you that?"

"His best friend, Abby Osborne." I informed him.

"Abby Osborne? Ozzie's mother said that he was seeing a girl name Abby." Woody said thoughtfully.

"He told them that because he couldn't tell them he was gay and now his partner left Boston. Ozzie was going to run away with him but he killed himself.'

"Well, none of this is against the law. Ozzie did commit suicide, right?" he asked. I closed my eyes and nodded. "Okay. Are we done with this then?"

"Yeah, it's done." I said quietly.

"Good. Now, I have to go see Macy about a murder." Woody said then left.

I looked at the folders that was on my desk. They were the same as the rest of them. Simple with no story behind them. If Jordan heard me, she would have yelled. She would have said that every body has a story but no one would yell at her for trying to uncover it. I do something that is outside my usual activity and all Hell breaks loose. Lily walks by and smiled. This place is getting to small for me. I take my bag and leave without checking with Macy.


	11. Ending the Day

I came back later that night. I was hoping to find Lily still doing some paper work. I didn't see her when I first got to the office so I went to my desk. The folders were still sitting there. Of all the things I had to be, cutting open dead people wasn't one of them.

I turned to leave and saw Lily standing behind me. I wanted to tell her everything that was on my mind for the longest time. I wanted to tell her that she should be with me, not Macy. I wanted to tell her that she's all I think about. I wanted to tell her how much she means to me. I wanted to tell her all this because I can. I wanted to tell her because Ozzie had to hide his love from the world but I don't say anything. The words don't come out.

"What happen to you?" She finally asked. I looked everywhere but at her. "Bug, I called your apartment and you didn't answer."

"I didn't want to talk to anyone." I said.

"I was worried about you, Bug. I was afraid that something happened to you again. I was ready to find something bad at your apartment." She nearly yelled at me.

"I just went to my apartment because I needed to be alone. I'm fine now." I reassured her.

Lily didn't look please to hear that. I think I put her in the most pain than anyone else here. She always seem to me worried about me but it all seem to go away when Macy comes around. I yell at myself to tell her everything but I still remain silent. Lily sighs then comes over to take the folders.

"So, what are you doing here?" She asked.

"I wanted to see what you were doing." I answered. That's the only thing my mind would let me say.

"Well, after I put these folders away, I'm going home."

"I'll walk you to your car, then." I offered. She stared at me.

"I should warn you. Macy is going to have a meeting with you tomorrow."

I nodded then followed here to her office. I probably will never have another chance to tell Lily anything but now I have two cases to think about.

THE END

A/N: Well, that was my first Crossing Jordan fan fiction. I hope it was good. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, especially Canadianfan1984 who said such nice things about the story and I would have never finish this without this person's reviews. Maybe I'll write another story. Armonia


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